This week's post is centered around the half-pint, Miss Ava. She's had a VERY busy week.
Chad came home from work to Ava demanding he play Barbies with her. I'm sure we aren't the only house, but our Barbies have no clothes. Sometimes they don't have heads either. Ava gave Chad his Barbie and told him to start playing. The conversation went as follows:
Chad's Barbie: Hi Barbie. I haven't seen you around lately. Where have you been?
Ava's Barbie: Uhhh...I had a baby.
Chad: OH really?
Ava: Yeah. It's yours.
*Pause for laughter at the McCready house*
Chad: Hey, why doesn't my Barbie have any clothes?
Ava: Mine's naked too!(pause) Let's hug.
Chad: I don't feel very comfortable hugging you. We really need clothes.
Ava: Come on. Let's go play naked together.
Chad: (hands back Barbie) I really can't play with you anymore.
*Pause for the entire McCready house plus our friend Sarah P. to DIE from laughing.
The best part about this exchange was that in Ava's head, three different conversations were going on with this Barbie. The thoughts she had weren't related in anyway. It's just the way that it all happened to come out that made it so funny.
About 45 minutes to an hour after that, IT happened. When Riley was little, she was cautious, and thought things through before acting. Ava prefers to act first, apologize second. I was trying to get her in some jammies right before bed. In trying to escape by grasp, she tripped and smashed right into the corner of our bar. Chad, Sarah P., and I all huddled around her waiting to see the location of the injury. She stood up with a mouth full of blood and a scream to shatter glass.
Once we stopped the bleeding, we debated as to whether this was ER worthy or not. I know, I know, the mouth heals super fast, saliva kills germs, birdie, birdie, bir, HOWEVER-her lip got stuck on a tooth and the tooth ripped her mouth 6 kinds of nasty. So, Chad looks at it. Says take her to the ER. Sarah P. looks at it. Say's she probably wouldn't take her in. Sarah P.'s mom is sent a photo. P.'s mom says don't take her in. THEN my parents get in on it too. They COME OVER to check out this injury. Please let me remind you, in my house was the four of us, plus P., plus her daughter, plus a friggin stupid amount of girl scout cookies. It was a damn circus. Mom and Dad arrive. Take her in, they say. For heck's sake. Fine. Off we go to the After Hours Pediatrician.
Nurses in the front tell me, "Oh no, we never stitch the inside of the mouth. It heals so fast." I'm aware. Just check my kid please and thank you. The doctor comes in the room and FREAKS OUT. "Oh no! Oh no! I don't do stitches inside the mouth! Oh no! I've never done stitches inside the mouth! Oh no! You have to take her to the ER right now!" Ok...so I'm confused. Do I take the nurse's advice or the doctor's who appeared to be new to life? Off to Children's Hospital we go.
Thank goodness P. met me at the hospital. I was in outer space at that moment. Everytime I thought about Ava having the inside of her mouth sewn back together, I got a little dizzy. During triage the nurse simply looked at it and said, "Hunh. I'll be." I'll be what?!?!?!?! Was she thinking, "I'll be, this mom is wasting my time." Or was she thinking, "I'll be! That kids mouth is about to fall off!!!!!" This nurse did little to comfort me. Finally saw a doc. He barely glanced at Ava's mouth. He simply said, "They'll give her a popsicle. Go home." Great. Ok.
Ava's mouth already looks a ton better! It's healing and several of the more minor injuries inside her mouth are almost completely healed.
So, just another week at the crazy McCready house!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
This week was a relatively quiet one. Mommy was sick which means the kids had free reign for a couple days.
Ava's highlight of the week: While eating dinner, mouth full of food, she mumbles something which sounds suspiciously malicious. I asked her to repeat it, and she looked at me, straight faced, and said, "I'm gonna kill you and stuff you in that trash can." Well....okay. Needless to say, not only am I now monitoring what shows Riley has turned on throughout the day, I'm also sleeping with one eye open.
NOTE TO PARENTS OF RILEY'S FRIENDS: I'm sad to report that, no, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Kesha will not be coming to her birthday party. Apparently all of first grade has been informed they are. Also parents, if Riley bites your child, no, they will not be turning into a vampire within 24-48 hours. Again, this would be contrary to what she has been telling your children.
Another note: People, get your girl scout cookies from me. I'm tired of looking at them. If you continue to ignore my texts, calls, and borderline stalker activities to try and hand them off to you, I will be eating your cookies and yes, you will still be paying for them.
Oh! Another note: Makers of Toyota: While you may have originally thought that a cool safety feature for the car would be to disable the unlock buttons if keys are locked in the trunk, you were deceived. It is in fact, not cool. Not cool at all.
Ava's highlight of the week: While eating dinner, mouth full of food, she mumbles something which sounds suspiciously malicious. I asked her to repeat it, and she looked at me, straight faced, and said, "I'm gonna kill you and stuff you in that trash can." Well....okay. Needless to say, not only am I now monitoring what shows Riley has turned on throughout the day, I'm also sleeping with one eye open.
NOTE TO PARENTS OF RILEY'S FRIENDS: I'm sad to report that, no, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Kesha will not be coming to her birthday party. Apparently all of first grade has been informed they are. Also parents, if Riley bites your child, no, they will not be turning into a vampire within 24-48 hours. Again, this would be contrary to what she has been telling your children.
Another note: People, get your girl scout cookies from me. I'm tired of looking at them. If you continue to ignore my texts, calls, and borderline stalker activities to try and hand them off to you, I will be eating your cookies and yes, you will still be paying for them.
Oh! Another note: Makers of Toyota: While you may have originally thought that a cool safety feature for the car would be to disable the unlock buttons if keys are locked in the trunk, you were deceived. It is in fact, not cool. Not cool at all.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
This week has been...educational
This week has been by far one of the most educational and eye-opening for all persons in the McCready family. We'll start with the smallest of the us and work up from there.
Ava discovered that if she shoves a glow stick far enough up her nose, yes, yes indeed, it will bleed. A lot. The science experiment was then continued by examining what would happen upon breaking said glowstick. It was noted that when the glowstick broke and then eyes were rubbed, her mother was able to string a significant amount of "traffic words" together very quickly and rush her to the bathroom. Ava then learned that her mother does in fact reach her breaking point when she adds to the cocktail of chaos by squirting an entire tube of toothpaste all over the bathroom and pooping on the floor. These findings, I'm sure have been recorded in the journal of scientific fact.
This week, Riley decided to experiment with playing hide and seek in a suitcase. It's all fun and games until someone gets claustraphobic. Ignoring repeated warnings from her mother, Riley stuffed herself into a suitcase and allowed Ava to zip her in it. All was well until it was realized that Ava was not strong enough to wheel her through the house, but merely strong enough to dump the suitcase over and sit on it. These findings, I'm sure, have been recorded in the Tinkerbell diary.
My eyes were opened on Saturday to the depth of what being a "cookie mom" for Girls Scouts actually entails. Work. A lot of work. I will post a picture for reference. Sadly, over half those cookies had to stay at my house because they're Riley's.
Finally, my dear Chad learned that if you grumble enough that something is broken and can't be fixed, your wife will prove you wrong. 1) You're welcome Chad. I was happy to fix your PS3. 2) Thank you Yahoo answers for making me appear smarter than I am. He also learned that his two FEMALE children have a wide range of emotions. I received a call while running away/grocery shopping alone today informing me that I needed to get home because the children were having "too many emotions." Translation: The kids won't quit whining and I'm out of cookies to bribe them to knock it off.
All in all, it was an eventful week here on the homefront. I'm ready for this one to be done and another to begin. :)
Ava discovered that if she shoves a glow stick far enough up her nose, yes, yes indeed, it will bleed. A lot. The science experiment was then continued by examining what would happen upon breaking said glowstick. It was noted that when the glowstick broke and then eyes were rubbed, her mother was able to string a significant amount of "traffic words" together very quickly and rush her to the bathroom. Ava then learned that her mother does in fact reach her breaking point when she adds to the cocktail of chaos by squirting an entire tube of toothpaste all over the bathroom and pooping on the floor. These findings, I'm sure have been recorded in the journal of scientific fact.
This week, Riley decided to experiment with playing hide and seek in a suitcase. It's all fun and games until someone gets claustraphobic. Ignoring repeated warnings from her mother, Riley stuffed herself into a suitcase and allowed Ava to zip her in it. All was well until it was realized that Ava was not strong enough to wheel her through the house, but merely strong enough to dump the suitcase over and sit on it. These findings, I'm sure, have been recorded in the Tinkerbell diary.
My eyes were opened on Saturday to the depth of what being a "cookie mom" for Girls Scouts actually entails. Work. A lot of work. I will post a picture for reference. Sadly, over half those cookies had to stay at my house because they're Riley's.
Finally, my dear Chad learned that if you grumble enough that something is broken and can't be fixed, your wife will prove you wrong. 1) You're welcome Chad. I was happy to fix your PS3. 2) Thank you Yahoo answers for making me appear smarter than I am. He also learned that his two FEMALE children have a wide range of emotions. I received a call while running away/grocery shopping alone today informing me that I needed to get home because the children were having "too many emotions." Translation: The kids won't quit whining and I'm out of cookies to bribe them to knock it off.
All in all, it was an eventful week here on the homefront. I'm ready for this one to be done and another to begin. :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Blog-a-palooza
Ok! So, after convincing from multiple parties...HERE.IS.MY.BLOG!!! This will chronicle the ridiculous hilarity that is my life! Feel free to leave your comments and ask your questions. However, please do not ask my opinion unless you really want to know. For example, don't ask my opinion of Sarah Palin. Number 1, it will probably differ from yours and number 2, I will probably offend you. So, that's it. Get ready to enjoy!
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